In honor of April being the home of National Infertility Awareness Week (the 24th-30th, to be exact), I wanted to write a post around this topic. If you’ve followed me for some time, you know about our journey through IVF to get pregnant with Layla. This experience was intense in different ways and plays a big part in Chris’s and my testimony. 

As I type this, I’m having baby fever. I go through these phases, almost routinely, where I really, really want another baby. When the fever breaks, I feel more relaxed about growing our family – I’m still open to it, but also very content with just our girl. 

Which leads me to the commonly asked question, “Will you and Chris try IVF again?” 

The subject is starting to creep into conversations more frequently as Layla nears three. And no, it doesn’t offend or even bother me when people ask. I think the only time it has was right after I gave birth, when I couldn’t even think about a second child because I hardly knew what the heck I was doing with the one I just had and my body needed a break. 

Here’s the thing, that contentment I mentioned a paragraph ago? I’m going to fight to keep it around. I do get pangs of longing for another experience of the wild beauty that is pregnancy and giving birth, for the pure moments of rocking a tiny babe to sleep and then wanting to watch them sleep for hours. But I don’t want to get so caught up in the future, of what may or may not happen, that I miss what’s happening right now. Right now, my toddler is growing at light speed and I want to be present for every delightfully insane moment. 

To answer the question, I don’t know. Chris and I have agreed that we must give this, too, to God because only He knows the answer and His answers are always good. So we are going to trust Him and find joy in the waiting.